/dev/random: What is UNIX?

I stumbled across this piece I wrote as a writing sample in 1997 in a forgotten directory on a seldom-accessed backup drive. I can’t remember what I was auditioning for; whatever it was, I probably triggered some sort of mental aberration in the editor and she had to go to a sanitarium or monster truck rally. That happens with my writing on a fairly regular basis. Whatever the case, now that this vintage nonsense has had 16 years to ferment, I thought I’d pop it open and give y’all a hearty slurp. Remember: 1997.