Sysadmin Tools Your Vendor Never Told You About — Revisited

by Mike Nemeth
<mjnemeth@hotmail.com>

Mike Nemeth is an HPUX system administrator currently working at the Naval Air Warfare Center in Lakehurst, New Jersey. He has been a UNIX system admin for over eight years.


Elizabeth Zwicky's articles starting in the ;login: July/August 1993 issue have provided me with some invaluable "tools" for keeping my sanity as a system administrator. My "Squeaky Dragon" has amused (and puzzled) users seeking service. Some gleefully squeak Buford (that's his name) and others are not sure what to do when they see the sign reading "Squeeze Dragon for Service!" My Jibberjaber, Biff (he is a dog), has provided me with needed stress relief. Sometimes you need to throttle something! Co-workers (fellow SAs and users) ask to borrow him; a few even get the joke about his name. I once bought two dozen when Jibberjabers were available. (Does anyone know where I can get more?) All but a few were immediately placed in good homes in the large SA group that I was working with then!

Now it is my turn to provide some invaluable SA "tools" that I have found useful over the years.

Users always seem to have a strong opinion on how the system should be managed or used or what the SAs should do; the list seems never-ending! Well, I have a large plastic jar with a slot in the lid. It is labeled "Put Your 2 Cents In!" When a user starts to "vent" opinions, I point at the jar. After a while I do not even need to point anymore but can hear "clink clink" and turn to find a smiling user. Now, every once in a blue moon, a user does have a good idea. When this occurs, I turn the jar around — this side is labelled "A Penny for Your Thoughts!" — and tell the user to take one!

Stress relief is essential! Here are instructions for putting together your own stress-relief kit. Take a standard 8.5 x 11 sheet of plain white paper and at the very top, in large letters, write the title: "ANTI-STRESS KIT." Just below this draw a large circle; it should almost touch the top title and the sides. Just below the circle, in large letters, insert the word "DIRECTIONS." Add the following directions:

1. Place on FIRM surface.
2. Follow directions provided in the circle on front of kit.
3. Repeat until you are anti-stressed or become unconscious.

Now in large letters in the center of the circle put the following:

           BANG

           HEAD

           HERE

The next tool is not as funny as it first sounds, a rear-view mirror for your workstation or terminal! How many times have you nearly jumped out of your seat (stress, remember?) when someone quietly walked up behind you and spoke?!

There are many other "tools" that I'll save for another time — like hats. (How many do you wear? SA, CM, CNN . . .)